


Shirts and Skirts

by nick_i_kenicki



Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, Conversations, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Gen, LGBTQ Themes, Nonbinary Character, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22563997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nick_i_kenicki/pseuds/nick_i_kenicki
Summary: During a session with Krista, Elliot comes to the realization that Mastermind is nonbinary.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	Shirts and Skirts

**Author's Note:**

> Based on some of my own experiences with being NB. Also I don't have DID and the way the show portrays it makes it a little hard to write. I wanted to be accurate to both the show and condition so please understand I mean no harm if I got anything wrong. (No beta)

Elliot found that he didn't feel the same way about Krista as Mastermind did.

He noticed it on one of his first visits back with her. The session went as planned. Krista did a reintroduction, explained the way things typically went at length, and eased Elliot back into the concept of therapy. Or rather, the concept of being himself.

Krista was patient with him. It was her job after all, but she handled him with a strange gentleness reserved for things like glass ornaments and children. 

Elliot didn't know how to feel about it. Waking up to the world Mastermind left behind was like being a groggy child, jostled up from a nap on a car trip he hadn't even realized he was along for. Things were different. People were dead. And all he wanted to do was go back to fucking sleep.

Krista must have sensed Elliot's distress because she watched him. She didn't push him. Even though it was obvious she wanted to know how he was doing. The skritch of her pen taking notes was irritating.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, he supposed. Whether it be the inner world or outer, Mastermind seemed to run the show.

"How have you been managing your grief, Elliot?" Krista asked with a nice, even voice, snapping him from his train of thought.

Elliot looked up at her. She held his gaze. A pang of jealousy struck him somewhere deep. He didn't get many things from Mastermind. Mostly just watered down stories and half pieces of memories, but he knew well that Krista never talked to him like this. She was passionate and invested in Mastermind. So to her, Elliot was basically a stranger.

"Buck up, kiddo. She picks favorites. Nothing new." Mr. Robot's voice drifted into clarity. 

When Mr. Robot spoke it was impossible not to listen. No matter how hard Elliot tried to ignore the chatter of the inner world, Robot always pulled him in that strange inbetween. 

"What do you mean?" Elliot asked into the emptiness, knowing that the longer he indulged Mr. Robot, the longer Krista would just sit there waiting for a verbal answer. 

"I meant what I said," Mr. Robot said, blunt. "She's always had a soft spot for him. It's got nothing to do with what you're doing."

Some part of Elliot knew Robot was telling the truth. He was a real adult, but sure as hell not a real parent. He couldn't lie for shit. No reason to have the skill when he just did what he wanted.

It was obvious to anyone that Mastermind and Krista were playing a game, one that they were too engrossed in to even notice. The rules and boundaries were in their own secret little language of habits and gestures. Based on what Elliot could deduce, Mastermind would do something wildly inappropriate and self destructive and Krista would stick by his side despite everything.

"I'm coping. Darlene is helping me come to terms with Angela," Elliot finally answered aloud.

Just mentioning Angela was worth a whole separate page in her book. She turned it fast and wrote some unintelligible notes, presumably about Angela and coping mechanisms. Also presumably about his lack of reaction.

Mastermind felt hard despite hiding everything behind a rigid facade. He had opinions and a strict way of expressing them. That was part of the reason why he felt almost nothing when they talked about Angela. It was because Mastermind only let him have a few things. The best memories, short snapshots amidst the sea of chaos he had created.

He kept anything that would make Elliot genuinely hurt and compartmentalized it. It was locked away somewhere far from Elliot. Under Mastermind's sharp eye til he deemed it time to process. Characteristically selfish of him.

Krista didn't know that though. All she knew is that she was prying open a can of worms because she was the only one that could make sense of it all.

Maybe it was her way of being the hero. Like it was her civic duty to reign Mastermind in and sate him. She was one of the few people who had power over him and Elliot imagined that felt pretty fucking good. To control the guy who controlled the people that controlled the world.

Elliot watched her, emotionally removed, like how he'd watch movies about toxic relationships. Often casting a noncommittal question to the screen. 'Why does she stay with him?' or 'What does he see in her?'

Nothing yielded an answer.

"I'd really love for you to expand on that. How you're managing your stress levels in such a difficult time and how the others cope since you so much control?" Krista asked, leaning forward, chin on the heel of her palm. 

When she said the word control, it was like casting bait for Mastermind. Suddenly a fly on the wall. Even though Mr. Robot kept him busy in the inner world. Well, as busy as one could keep Mastermind. Elliot always felt him, like a silent backseat driver. Judging his every move.

Mastermind was lurking over his shoulder now. Hanging onto Krista's every word as if he was a disciple and she spoke the word of Christ.

"He wouldn't let me go to the gym." Elliot said, changing the subject. If Mastermind wanted to spectate, then they could contribute to the session.

Krista gave a slow nod, like she was contemplating something. She didn't even have to ask who because it was obvious. Putting another piece into the puzzle that was their trainwreck of a file. She eventually asked, "Why do you think that is?"

Elliot thought about it and reached for an answer that couldn't quite come to him. It was obvious to everyone else. The suddenly silent Mr. Robot and the neutral-faced Krista– but he didn't know. He couldn't say. Mastermind was making a rare example of his best ability; the ability to keep secrets.

To make things worse, he tried to lie. Cut through the silence."I don't work out,'' Mastermind piped up. It wasn't entirely untrue. Elliot could tell that Mastermind wasn't the type, however there was something else. Something unsaid. The perfect lie of omission.

Elliot sighed and turned back towards Krista. "I don't know." He was resigned to being the only one left out.

Krista scribbled something in her notes. Elliot didn't even bother trying to read what she wrote. She spoke again. "Tell me, what do you know about Mastermind that would prevent him from wanting to go to the gym?"

Elliot knew Mastermind hated many, many things. Their body being the biggest example. He knew it well. Without words, it was like the feeling was being broadcast on a never ending loop in the back of his head.

Mastermind hated showers along with swimming and hot days because Elliot was accustomed to taking off his shirt on each such occasion. He ignored Mastermind's protests, ignored the sharp spikes in anxiety he felt when his trainer spotted him. Even the tremors when the guys slapped his shoulders after a job well done.

"He hates our body and being around guys," Elliot realized aloud.

"I don't really do manly. Brotherly bonding and all that shit. It doesn't suit me," Mastermind tried to explain futility.

Elliot turned to address him fully for the first time since he appeared, completely leaving the room where he was with Krista for a moment. Face first into the threshold of Mastermind's world.

"What are you talking about?" Elliot asked a little sharper than he had intended.

Mastermind was in his usual garb. All black with his hoodie drawn tight over his head. He looked so slim and small that he was almost shrinking into himself.

"People see me as you. Some fucking guy. That's not me though." Mastermind tried to explain.

Elliot lifted his eyebrows. He didn't understand what the issue was. Was being Elliot so bad? He had been cosplaying him for weeks and suddenly there was an issue?

Even without words, Mastermind could feel Elliot's annoyance. He rushed to clarify. "I don't know, man. I just never got on with other guys. I'm not like you."

"I'm actually not sure if I should be telling you this," Krista interrupted, pulling Elliot back to reality. She looked at him steadily. However, her fingers fidgeted with the corner of her notebook.

"Elliot– or Mastermind," Krista corrected herself. "Has actually expressed some feelings before that may lead to a wider conversation on gender and expression."

Elliot gave her a blank look."What?"

Krista shook her head, both amused and amazed that she was even having this conversation. "Have you ever heard the word 'Dysphoria'?"

Most people with a modern social media presence had read hot button articles about gender expression and transgender identities. Whether he knew the exact intricacies or not, Elliot could say he was familiar.

"Yeah, I guess," he said.

Krista nodded again. She was obviously struggling between her professionalism and her own opinion. Elliot imagined that was how everything having to do with Mastermind made her act. 

Speaking of the Devil, Mastermind was suddenly next to Elliot. Eyes heavy like he'd been awake for several nights. There but not quite. "She's not gonna say it. Technically still counts under patient confidentiality," he explained in a low voice.

"Then explain it so she doesn't have to."

Mastermind laced his fingers and thought, same as Krista. Then he made a face. "I didn't get much time between everything to explore my identity. There was always more to do. Didn't seem important."

"Okay?"

Mastermind met his eyes while Krista worked for the proper wording in the background. "So I guess I'm nonbinary," Mastermind said bluntly. And with that he was gone.

Krista never did quite say what she was trying to. Elliot got up after the revelation, said his goodbyes and left Krista's office without scheduling another appointment. She didn't call after him.

Elliot was sure she was glad to be rid of him.

Mr. Robot approached Elliot on the subway ride back home. He didn't look particularly surprised at the bomb Mastermind dropped. 

"How can he be nonbinary if I'm not?" He asked. 

Mr. Robot rubbed his gloved hands together and blew into them, a little reprieve of warmth amidst the subzero New York cold. His answer was just as cold. "I don't know kid. I mean, you're different people.".

Two people who just happened to share a body and have wildly conflicting opinions on how it should look. How it should be. 

"So he'll never express himself if I don't give him access to that kind of stuff" Elliot realized. He didn't know exactly what "that kind if stuff" meant, but the implications were loud. 

Mr. Robot made a face, like something akin to the face parents made when children discovered war or famine. Those eyes that failed at feigning optimism. Why not just stop the fighting? Why not just give everyone food? Rather than be upfront, they donned that pitiful look and amended that anything was possible.

Knowing, but refusing to explain upfront that things would never change. Even with help. Maybe Elliot could understand Mastermind's perpetual frustration if all he had was Robot behind him.

….

He was there when Elliot opened the door, as if he had been waiting at home the whole time. Elliot knew the truth though. Everywhere he went, Mastermind went. 

"Hi."

No answer.

Elliot found that Mastermind had very strong opinions about many different things somewhat early into his new life. He didn't really speak up much, but Elliot was no stranger to judgement. He felt it permeating off Mastermind, eyes like bullets honed into every move they made. Luckily for him though, Elliot could shoot right back.

"What is nonbinary?"

Mastermind glanced up from the computer with an incredulous look on his face. It was similar to the face people who were constantly bullied made when anyone showed sincere interest in them.

"Are you joking?"

"No. I genuinely want to know."

"Look it up then?"

Elliot folded his arms and just looked at Mastermind. He had a single eyebrow raised. Waiting.

Mastermind sighed deep and rolled his eyes. "I don't know what you want from me. I'm not the fucking trans thesaurus, man. I can't really come up with a Google ready definition." 

Elliot was unimpressed. He barely even tried to hide his dissatisfaction. "I don't need an exact definition. I just want you to explain your experience."

"Please Elliot."

Mastermind's eyes shot up. "That's not my name anymore."

Elliot knew Mastermind got a little sense of satisfaction from being Elliot. He had been playing him for so long. It was like coming home to an old friend or finding money in a jacket he hadn't worn in months. It was a little manipulative, but it was the key to getting him to talk.

"Okay it's like, coming into work," Mastermind relented. "And all the men in the office are wearing these perfect shirts. They probably cost a couple hundred each and they are proud as hell to have them. Any normal guy would kill to have one and be involved in whatever they've got going on."

Elliot nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"Then you look at the women and they all have these designer skirts that every one of them seems to own. Hell, they treat these skirts better than their husbands. And all you know is that any normal girl would love to have one too."

Mastermind squeezed his nose bridge like the very thought of it all was overwhelming.

"Then you come in wearing a hoodie with jeans and everyone is looking at you like some kind of freak just because you missed whatever brief they all got."

Elliot unfolded his arms and came closer to Mastermind.

"This isn't about clothes is it?"

Mastermind sighed. "It's like all guys and all girls have something in common and I'm not in on it. Some secret code. And even if I knew, it still wouldn't be worth it."

Elliot never felt like being a guy was some secret club or elite gang. He just felt the way he always had. He could even imagine himself in Mastermind's scenario buying the shirt, the same as every other man. He wouldn't even think twice.

It was hard to even imagine what is would be like to feel other.

"Do you need anything? To help with the–" Elliot reached for the word Krista had used. "Dysphoria?"

Mastermind almost laughed at that. "What, like it's a cold and you need to pick up my prescription?"

Elliot's face burned. "No. No I didn't mean–"

"I just need time, I think."

"Ok."

Internally, Elliot thanked God that he didn't have to raid his closet for something to wear that would make Mastermind feel more comfortable just yet. Elliot was sure Mastermind would need more at some point, but for now he was working on handling each day. It was something they were both working on. Luckily, both Elliot and Mastermind were keen on waiting.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed that so I'll know to write more :)


End file.
